Apricot Dreams
by stars apart
Summary: Luke & Lorelai: The aftermath of "Say Something."
1. Default Chapter

A/N: My first attempt at something of the Gilmore essence: more specifically my first dive into a pool of coffee and flannel. Lyrics and influence by Dashboard Confessional's "Bend and Not Break."

**Disclaimer: I do not own and I am not affiliated with Gilmore Girls or Amy Sherman-Palladino. **

_I am fairly agile_

_I can bend and not break _

_Or I can break and take it with a smile_

The weeks following The Message (that's what she was calling it), Lorelai avoided the diner. Space was what Luke wanted and space was what Luke was getting. She threw herself into her work; she let Michel take a weekend vacation with Chin Chin and Paw Paw, she gave the night manager Saturday night off to celebrate his son's birthday, she allowed herself to be numb to Sookie's sympathetic glances and avoided her daughter's phone calls.

It was her daughter's phone calls that she felt most guilty about; but every time the caller ID on her cell flashed Rory, she couldn't bring herself to answer. Lorelai knew that it made Rory sad to hear her mother's voice lifeless and humorless.

Still she went on; she paid her bills, she vacuumed, she consumed less coffee and watched more Ab Fab than any one person should. When she grew tired of Ab Fab, she watched St. Elmo's fire with a heavy heart.

_And I am so resilient _

_I recover quickly _

On Tuesday the weather was unusually warm for March - the kind of morning that called for a Danish and coffee. Lorelai sat on the edge of her bed staring into her closet. She pulled out a new dress and matching sweater. It was the sort of outfit that would have gained a hushed, "You look beautiful today," from Luke. She felt the familiar throb of misery pinch her heart, she grabbed a pair of pumps that Luke would've rolled his eyes at and muttered "How do you walk in those?" Satisfied, she grabbed her purse and set out for the diner.

_I'll convince you soon that I am fine_

The diner was buzzing with the early sounds of morning. Lorelai took a seat at a small table to the left of the door and scanned the crowd for Luke. She caught a glimpse of him handing Lane an order, but he quickly returned to the kitchen without noticing her. Lane dropped off the order and headed towards Lorelai with wide eyes.

"You're here!" Lane squealed.

"Um, yeah, I'm here," Lorelai replied, glancing behind Lane's tiny frame for a second glimpse of Luke. "I'll just have a cherry Danish and large coffee to go."

"Ok," she replied. Lane walked behind the counter and gathered up Lorelai's order. She noticed how fidgety Lorelai was, but didn't want to press her too much. She returned to the table and gave Lorelai her order.

"Thanks," Lorelai smiled faintly and handed Lane some money. "Keep the change," she called on her way out the door. She wanted her escape to be clean, but it was too late: Luke saw the breeze of chestnut hair and coffee fly out the door in the most absurd shoes.

Before Luke knew what was happening, he was asking Lane to cover for him and out the door. He let his heart lead his feet after her; he ached for her. He needed a glimpse of her voice of a corner of her smile.

"Lorelai!" he called.

Her name hit her so hard it knocked the wind out of her; she stopped and sucked in a breath before turning on her heal in the direction her name had been thrown from. Luke was standing not five feet from her, his hands on his hips and breathing hard loudly from his sprint.

She stared in confusion, she wanted to turn and run, but her feet kept her planted in shock. Luke made a noise as if he was going to say something, but whatever the thought was, it quickly left his tongue and he stared at the ground. Lorelai started to back up from him slowly, giving him the chance to take back her name.

"Wait!" he pleaded hastily. Their eyes connected for the first time since that moment on her front lawn when she apologized for The Message. Waves of emotions passed through both of them and overcame them like the tide. It was too much for Lorelai, she closed half the distance between them. "I can't," she whispered.

With that she took off towards the Inn in a flash of color. Luke lowered his eyes to the ground; if he had just been more open and understanding, if his jealousy of Christopher hadn't been so transparent, she wouldn't be running away. Still, he knew this was more his fault than hers – he was the reason she was running away.

_I'm talented with reason _

_I cover all the angles _

_I can fail before I ever try_

Lorelai arrived at the Dragonfly just as it began to rain. She paused a moment to compose herself before approaching the desk. Michel greeted her with a sidelong glance and a bitter, "You're late."

She rolled her eyes and started sorting mail as Michel stalked off for a break. He appeared several moments later, looking more disgruntled than before.

"Sookie requests your immediate presence in the kitchen," Michel grumbled, "If I do not have my mid morning snack my entire day will be thrown off."

"Here, have a cherry Danish," Lorelai snapped as she handed Michel her untouched Danish. Michel immediately took offense and rambled off the nutritional value of her beloved breakfast food as she headed towards the kitchen.

Lorelai entered the kitchen and slumped onto a stool at the end of a counter as Sookie gave directions for the day's lunch menu. Sookie was bubbly and excited; at least, she was until she turned towards Lorelai.

"Don't be mad," Sookie started; Lorelai sighed heavily, "Miss Patty called and told me about what happened with you and Luke this morning."

"You've got to be kidding me," Lorelai choked out as a sob escaped from deep inside. Sookie immediately went to comfort her friend, but Lorelai held her hands up. "I'm fine, Sookie, really, thanks for your concern, but I'm fine."

With that she hurried out of the kitchen and closed herself in her office. Her office was a mess; a reflection of her life. She kicked off her shoes and decided today was the day she was going to organize.

It was dusk when Lorelai left the Dragonfly; she purposefully stayed late to avoid any further concern or pity from her friends. The rain had stopped. At some point the sun had dried the sidewalks. She thought about taking the long way home: the route didn't cross paths with Luke's Diner. Her feet urged her to take the shortest route and she was forced to agree.

She walked slowly, trying to avoid nearing the diner any sooner than she had too. From the distance she kept her eyes averted to the gazebo. She thought of their picnic when Luke had bought her basket. She thought of her wedding shower with Max and Luke's absence from the festivities. Her eyes flooded over as she realized he was everywhere to her. He was just as much a part of the town as landscape. He was in the earth and the air; he was in her heart.

Before she knew it, Lorelai was standing in front of the diner watching Luke sweep the floor. His back was to her, but in her mind she new every inch of his face. Her feet ached in tune with her heart. She walked up the steps and pushed the door open.

The bell startled both of them. He jerked his head around to see if it was her. It was always her; she had learned long ago that "closed" never really meant _closed_; at least to not to her.

"I just wanted to say," she began, her voice shaking, "I just wanted to say that if you love me half as much as I love you, I think we can work through this."

Luke froze. She looked exhausted, as if maybe she hadn't slept since the night of The Message. In his head he condemned himself for probably looking just as tired; he hadn't slept well since that night either.

"I'm sorry, I should go," Lorelai whispered.

"No – wait – stay," he stammered as he ran to push the door closed before she ran away. She shuddered slightly as she tried to hold her emotions in.

"I want that too – I want to work this out," he whispered. He was too close not to touch her; she was a force that he couldn't resist.

"Please don't leave me, Luke," she murmured as she allowed him to pull her into a tight embrace.

"I won't," he hushed her, "I promise." He pulled back slightly and extended his hand to her, she hesitantly placed her hand in his. "Just stay here with me, I can't lose you again," he explained.

She nodded and tightened her grip on his hand, "I'm all in," she softly replied.

_I'm talented at breathing _

_Especially exhaling _

_So that my chest will rise and fall with yours _

_I'm careful not to wake you _

_Fearing conversation _

_It's better just to hold you _

_And keep you pacified_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Lyrics from Dashboard Confessional's "Hands Down."

**Disclaimer: I do not own and I am not affiliated with Gilmore Girls or Amy Sherman-Palladino. **

_This night is wild, _

_so calm and dull, _

_these hearts they race from self control._

Luke had lead Lorelai upstairs to his apartment, where she promptly kicked her shoes off and pulled in to his bed. With the slightest of hesitation she pulled back the covers as she shrugged her jacket off and slid between the covers. He slid beside her and pulled her close, she snuggled and readjusted herself to contour their bodies together.

Lorelai held her tears in the best she could; every so often a few would slip out and absorb into Luke's flannel. Luke did his best to keep his composure, after all she was here now and that was all that mattered. He pulled her closer as he felt a lump forming in the back of his throat.

"I love you too," he whispered into her hair. They slept for hours, making up for a month's worth of sleep. Neither moved for fear that the other one would slip away again. Luke slept lighter than usual, her every twitch and snuggle alerted him to the fact that she was there.

_The words are hushed, _

_lets not get busted. _

_Just lay entwined here, _

_undiscovered._

Lorelai woke around 3am disoriented. She struggled to untangle herself from Luke's arms and immediately upon doing so, he also awoke.

"Where are you going?" he asked alarmed.

"Shh, I need to change out of these clothes," she explained gesturing to her work clothes. Luke sat up and noticed that he was also wearing jeans and his baseball was resting on his pillow. She smiled at their disorder; to her it was perfect.

He pulled off his flannel and offered it to her; she accepted and disappeared into the bathroom long enough for Luke to pull of his jeans and set the alarm.

"You saved my toothbrush," she stated.

"Uh, yeah, well… it's yours."

"I saved yours too."

He wasn't sure what to say, it was late and his mind was groggy with sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed, studying his socks and wondering if any new socks had visited Lorelai's house. He mentally chastised himself for thinking such a thought, although Luke had thought many thoughts similar to this one. It was a punishment of sorts, he imagined that he deserved the worst after pulling out on his promise that he was 'all in'.

Lorelai couldn't take the silence; her body ached to climb back in bed and sleep, but her heart ached to make things good with Luke.

"I missed you," the words flew out before Luke could stop them.

She sat next to him and laced her fingers through his, "I missed you too."

"I can't make you choose between me and your family, Lorelai," he said.

"You're not asking me to choose," she replied.

"Your mother hates me, we both know that. I hate the way she treats you, I can't stand by and let her hurt you."

Lorelai took a moment to consider this; it touched her deeply that he stood up for her – he was her hero. He pulled her out of the deepest holes, he fixed her house, he made her coffee, he loved her despite her flaws and hello kitty alarm clock.

"My mother would love nothing more than to marry me off to some blue blooded, high class, Hartford lawyer," she agreed, "but my mother doesn't run my life; I do. I say how much coffee I drink before 9am, I decide how to raise my kid, and I choose who I love."

"But she's your family," Luke protested.

"No, Luke, _you_ and Rory are my family."

Luke paused to consider this for a moment, his free hand rubbed at his knee, trying to make sense of it all. With caution he raised his eyes to meet hers; they were bright and shinning in the moon light that trickled through the curtains.

"And Christopher. He's your family too?"

Her eyes flashed anger, she stood up and let his hand fall onto the bed beside him. She paced in front of him several times, wringing her hands as she tried to gather coherent, rational thoughts.

"Christopher is – Chris is…" she trailed off and stopped pacing.

_My heart is yours to fill or burst. _

_To break or bury, or wear as jewelry, _

_whichever you prefer._

"I wanted you to deck him," she deadpanned. "Hell, I wanted to deck him… I still might," she added as she trailed off again. He could see the agitation in her features, he reached for her hand and pulled her in front of him. She stood uneasily for a minute before she allowed her eyes to meet Luke's.

"Christopher will always be family. I will always have to see him as long as he's Rory's father," she smirked at the thought. "I want to hate him, I really do, but I can't because of Rory. As long as she wants him in her life, I have to respect that and that means he's in my life too."

"I understand," Luke said firmly.

"I was stupid, I should have told you where I was, but I let Rory lie for me. I didn't realize then that it was because she saw through his charm, she knew he had feelings for me. I was an idiot to believe that Christopher and I could just be friends. She wanted to protect both of us, Luke," her voice began to break as she dropped to her knees to look at Luke eye level. "You have been the greatest father to Rory. I think on a certain level, her and I both feel guilty because we wish you were her father. You've always been there for her, Luke; you've never let my little girl down and that means more to me than anything."

Luke felt the tears and tasted the salt; he hung his head embarrassed to be crying in front of Lorelai. She giggled and wiped at his cheeks playfully. "Don't cry," she whispered.

_My hopes are so high, _

_that your kiss might kill me. _

_So won't you kill me? _

_So I die happy. _

"I'm so sorry, Lorelai," he whispered hoarsely. Lorelai smiled, "I'm sorry too."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Luke." She leaned him and kissed him lightly; the feel of her lips against his sent shivers throughout her. He pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss as she moaned softly.

_Breathe in for luck, _

_breath in so deep, _

_this air is blessed, _

_you share with me._


End file.
